American Cheese and Sheeps

I watched America's Next Top Model just now, and I am embarrassed for New Zealand. Oh the shame. They had a lacklustre haka performed at the top of Mt Eden (which also raises the question, why weren't they welcomed properly at a Marae?) and all over it was shameful.

Oh! The photoshoot was with a sheep. In the country. How the hell are we going to get rid of the sheep jokes again? Damn sheeps.

Which actually reminds me, a few weeks ago Toe and I were running up One Tree Hill and as we crossed the paddock to the start of Iguana track (yes, I know sheep paddocks in the middle of the city, haha, New Zealand is so backwards), all the sheep in the paddock started running away from us. Not just the ones near us, but from the back reaches of the paddock. They were really going for it, with this wild look to their eyes. Naturally, I freaked out because I didn't know what they were doing (and I'd just had a run in with a cow when I jumped over the stye). All of them ran to a certain point in the stone fence, where they jumped over, crossed the road and scrambled up the side of the the hill. Seriously. Naturally, we followed them, because we are sheep also. Cars on the road were stopped, and tourists were taking photos. It was so bizarre. Not a single sheep was left in the first paddock, they were all grazing at the beginning of iguana track. WTF? There was a few pieces of hay lying around, but it wasn't like there was any less in the first paddock. There was no farmer, and the (evil) cows stayed exactly where they were. I wish I'd have had the presence of mind to take video of it.

Of course, a couple of days later the sheep started sneezing everytime we walked passed them, and now Toe and I are convinced that sheep flu will be the next flu to hit us. Toe is convinced that one of them will answer to "Wonky Donkey" like "Minty" did last year.

That wasn't what I came here to post; I was so embarrassed of the portrayal of NZ in ANTM, that I wanted to show people some decent Kapa Haka/Powhiri. I couldn't really find anything I liked, I must put up some of my cousin's stuff on youtube. Here is so stuff that is good (ok, so I like Hosea Gear with his shirt off). Much, much better than the haka of ANTM:



Yes, they are saying that they will slit your throat. Rugby is war, this is a challenge.

And as always, I end up with Poi E

I need to find a good hiding spot

A major component of my work project (at the Pantry) has just screeched to a resounding halt. I can either hope to use some of the savings I made in my project budget to get a vodem stick, hire one from work and hope that the Pantry will pick it up, or dash down to Esquires and have a "coffee" and steal their wireless. We're supposed to go live in the next week, so I'm in a bit of a state.

Results are still too far away and too close. I was talking about this with a friend as we scrambled up the side of (n)one tree hill, and realised that even if I get a high enough score to get into Sandstone University*, I'm not sure that I'd take it. The large class and the things I've heard, scare me. I think I'd rather chance it with a interviewing school and then if I'm not successful, go with Sandstone next year. I think I'm leaning towards Underwear University* or Supermarket University* or Last Train University*, I have no idea of how I'd preference them and I know that I'd be happy in any of them as they all have small classes. So it's down to New but Far Away state vs Expensive city but Early Clinical Skills vs Early Patient Contact. Toe told me that I would get a 66, 69 and 72. I hope that she's right.

I've decided that I need to be more girly and take some pride in my appearance. To that end, I will get my ears repierced this weekend. Where does an (semi) adult get ears pierced? Do I go to a tattoo store or will a chemist do it? Questions to ponder.

*Yes, I know I've made up stupid names but some attempt at anonminity is better than none.

Writing the book

So much to say, so much not to say. It's everything, and it's nothing.

I sat the dreaded test last month; I'm numb on how I did. Took a rather large gamble and wrote a short story for Censorship and bathered about CBT/DBT and looking back to know how to move on and create self-esteem. I don't know. I want to know and the two and a half weeks still to go seem to stretch untenably too far away; I don't want to know, knowing the results is too concrete, I can't stare into the mirror of my failure again.

Dating tried, failed and put on hold until after the results. Descriptions of myself as the ice queen oddly pleasing but still, deep down, I feel like I ought to scream out how not sure of myself I am, how I want someone to break through, I just want someone to want me and for me to want him back.

Work is boring hell and yet (good) things keep happening - got highly competitive funding, have papers being written. It's still not enough for me. I want more, something else. Anything else. I did turn down a (possibly) more interesting role because they only offered $50k. Moves must be up, not parallel or down. Good friend "Toe" is away for two weeks, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope - I have so little contact with others now that I'm alone in my office. I was supposed to work in the dungeon today, I rocked up at 10:30 and was gone by 3. How much longer can I cope with this lack of direction and desire?

Curious that I seem to be teetering on the edge of something, reading that back. I don't know? Maybe? Trauma seems to be following me but I've moved on from mine. I need to get this work study out of the way and maybe it will go away?

I want to make promises to post regularly, but I don't know how often I can lay out that I did nothing all day. If you promise yourself to post semi-regularly, is that worthy? Maybe I'll just try to ease myself into it, and celebrate success. It might be nice to blog about my anxiety rather than garble it to my friends and family?