This time, it was going to be different. This time, I would be prepared. It isn't that hard really. Most people can manage it and do so well. I, on the other hand, always screw it up.
I haven't packed. Again. I'm only going to Australia for two weeks on Saturday morning, and yet I still can't manage to pack on time. I knew at the start of this week that I wouldn't be able to pack on Friday as I have a dinner, so I planned to pack tonight. AND IT HASN'T HAPPENED???!
I know, I'm blogging about it instead of actually doing it. Ugh.
Where the hell is my passporto? I do this everytime I go on a freaking trip, I should put a little chip on it (and wouldn't that go down well if I tried to fly to the States?). Thankfully, this is not Italy and it has to be here somewhere.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Holiday! If only work hadn't gone to hell in a handbasket today, then I am sure that I would be more on top of things. As it is, I have two extra things to do tomorrow, and only one less than yesterday. This is not so great. I don't have the most important job in the service, so why the hell am I so slammed? Damn responsibilities.
Ok, drama over. Found my passport. The packing faeries have not come though.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The eye of the storm
You know you're sick when the prospect of your impending holiday isn't enough to cheer you up.
Baby K helped make dinner last night but did not appreciate the "meanness of onions burning [her] eyes! Need glasses that wrap around all of [her] eyes to keep the meanness out". Onions are now to be referred to as mean things as this is an"irrefutable fact".
I will, however, need to be more vigilant to keep her away from infomercials. It's hard to convince her that they don't do everything that they say in the 5 minute ride to school. The AbCircle Pro will not do more than 100 sit ups. The Shake'n weights will not make you have super strong arms, the RootBlast will not make our plants grow 300% bigger in the middle of winter. Here's your bag, have a great day at school, love you.
She did make me pudding (warmed apple with ice-cream) that was made with "love and kisses" because I am sick.
Baby K helped make dinner last night but did not appreciate the "meanness of onions burning [her] eyes! Need glasses that wrap around all of [her] eyes to keep the meanness out". Onions are now to be referred to as mean things as this is an"irrefutable fact".
I will, however, need to be more vigilant to keep her away from infomercials. It's hard to convince her that they don't do everything that they say in the 5 minute ride to school. The AbCircle Pro will not do more than 100 sit ups. The Shake'n weights will not make you have super strong arms, the RootBlast will not make our plants grow 300% bigger in the middle of winter. Here's your bag, have a great day at school, love you.
She did make me pudding (warmed apple with ice-cream) that was made with "love and kisses" because I am sick.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Gone away
After I finished setting up the device for Ernest Client, I asked if she wanted me to put some music on.
She asked for Bieber.
The horror.
She asked for Bieber.
The horror.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I don't want you to be here when I get back
Seeing a crying toddler being brought down to X-Ray made me smile today. It's so much better to see them justifably upset rather than laying in their crib not moving or crying.
The panic alarm presser in The Dungeon needs to quit it. I can't wait until this one is well again.
Once again, I'm watching Coro St. What's wrong with me? I hate this show!
I do like a man in uniform - especially first thing in the morning.
Oddly enough, talking with Capt. American today made me imagine him in uniform and well, that was a sight to behold. Poor dear intern.
I need to stop yelling at people on the road, but they also need to stop driving so badly.
The panic alarm presser in The Dungeon needs to quit it. I can't wait until this one is well again.
Once again, I'm watching Coro St. What's wrong with me? I hate this show!
I do like a man in uniform - especially first thing in the morning.
Oddly enough, talking with Capt. American today made me imagine him in uniform and well, that was a sight to behold. Poor dear intern.
I need to stop yelling at people on the road, but they also need to stop driving so badly.
Monday, June 7, 2010
If you want to strike me down in anger, here I am
Sometimes, I know I'm heading into self-destruct mode and I just don't care. Remembering the past in detail tends to lead me there and yet I don't stop. Sometimes though, it's just okay to curl up in bed, have a drink (or five) and not fight it.
I just can't let that happen too often. Especially when I have access to teh internetz and proceed to log into chat rooms. And facebook people. And gmail chat. Oh my.
Now the question is, do I be more open about it? Not shout it from the rooftops, but not ignore it? Knowing that knowing that information couldn't be taken back?
Blahdeebleeblah.
Work tomorrow is going to be odd. I managed to triple book myself for three very different appointments. I am supposed to be journal writing with Toe and Chezza, but that's all the way on the other side of town and I need to drop Baby K off at school. Plus it's raining. I hate the rain. Then I have to run over to The Pantry to attend the meeting + score the psychometrics + consent a client, then run back over to OFland to pick up Baby K from dance lessons. When did my life get busy?
I just can't let that happen too often. Especially when I have access to teh internetz and proceed to log into chat rooms. And facebook people. And gmail chat. Oh my.
Now the question is, do I be more open about it? Not shout it from the rooftops, but not ignore it? Knowing that knowing that information couldn't be taken back?
Blahdeebleeblah.
Work tomorrow is going to be odd. I managed to triple book myself for three very different appointments. I am supposed to be journal writing with Toe and Chezza, but that's all the way on the other side of town and I need to drop Baby K off at school. Plus it's raining. I hate the rain. Then I have to run over to The Pantry to attend the meeting + score the psychometrics + consent a client, then run back over to OFland to pick up Baby K from dance lessons. When did my life get busy?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Moments in the soul
I turned 25 last week; it was kind of a let down, nothing brilliant happened, but nothing terrible either. It kind of just was. In saying that, I was talking with a dear friend last night, lamenting the march of time, when it dawned on me just how far I've come. I may not have the long term boyfriend and I may still be living with family, but I've done a lot in that time.
At 20, I was a mess. In March of that year, something terrible happened to me, and I survived. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. I still find it difficult to say and I know that there are maybe two (?three) people in my life that actually know what happened, and one who I am sure suspects (since she was there that night), but I can't bring myself to tell other people - who wants to give other people that ugliness? I know it would help to explain things I do and feel to people, but I can't hurt them and change the way they see me. I used to want something tragic in my life, so I could be that movie/tv heroine who is cared for and protected, but now I have it, I can't let people know.
At 21, I got asked to leave my job and my flat. So I left London. Even as that man chased me down the street and my face was streaming with tears, I knew that someday in the future, this moment would be comical. And it is! I got chased down a London street (with my 90L backpack on my back, my daypack on my front and towing a 20kg suitcase) by a man who thought that I stole his remotes!!! WTF? How does that happen? I left England, and went back home and healed from the events of the previous two years.
At 22, I graduated my bachelors (delayed satisfaction!) and completed my first post grad....which led me to my masters. It very nearly led me back down the path of my eating disorder, but I pulled that back in. I got my awesome job at The Zoo, which I am still at now. I have been able to grow at this job, to the point that I am now the sole research person across The Zoo, The Dungeon, The Pantry and the other Oh Yeah, That Service. This scares me on various points, but it's okay, you know?
At 23, I started writing my masters thesis. There were many tears, caused in large part by my batshit crazy supervisor. I still can't believe that she hauled me in front of the Head of Department! Bad luck for her that I was writing grant applications at the time, for I turned up at that meeting with excellent documentation of the timeline and progress status reports. The HoD was ineffectual in large part, and I definately felt that I was in the wrong spot (power-wise) as a student, he was going to back her all the way. Thankfully, I still had one card up my sleeve: proof that she marked my lit review twice (by mistake!) and in one copy said that I should do this and that, and in the other said that it was fine. They were exactly the same! Thankfully a friend was able to point me to another superviosr who loved my work and thought that my plan was brillant and on track. I had lunch with him the other day, and he still managed to inspire me to write it up for publication.
At 24, I sat in an internet cafe in LA (after my conference in Mexico was canceled) and found that I had not only passed my masters thesis - I had gotten second class, first division honours. Seriously. I totally wigged out but I didn't care. I had passed! Me! It was an awesome ending to a (mostly) awesome trip. After being terrified of traveling around Europe on my own, and settling to travel with people who didn't really care for me, I managed to travel around the States and Canada alone! I handled crises of various sorts, I made an executive decision to travel to Canada to see my darling friend (with no idea if my travel insurance would cover it) and did it all on my lonesome. I didn't care if other people thought that it was weird that I was traveling/sightseeing alone, because that meant that I got to see and do things that I wanted. Yes, it would have been nice and cheaper to have someone with me, but I didn't and it wasn't the end of the world. I also sat, and failed, the med school entrance exam - and lived. I did a two triathalons, I did a tough guy. I tried things outside my comfort zone because I realised that I would be ok.
Now, at 25, I have sat (and failed again!) the med school exam, and I'm ok with my applications. Someone has to have the bottom score and it might as well be me. I most likely won't get in, and that's okay. I have a back up plan that involves earning more monies and trying again. I may not have it all, but at least I've done things. I don't want to repeat the last five years, I want to see the next five years.
At 20, I was a mess. In March of that year, something terrible happened to me, and I survived. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. I still find it difficult to say and I know that there are maybe two (?three) people in my life that actually know what happened, and one who I am sure suspects (since she was there that night), but I can't bring myself to tell other people - who wants to give other people that ugliness? I know it would help to explain things I do and feel to people, but I can't hurt them and change the way they see me. I used to want something tragic in my life, so I could be that movie/tv heroine who is cared for and protected, but now I have it, I can't let people know.
At 21, I got asked to leave my job and my flat. So I left London. Even as that man chased me down the street and my face was streaming with tears, I knew that someday in the future, this moment would be comical. And it is! I got chased down a London street (with my 90L backpack on my back, my daypack on my front and towing a 20kg suitcase) by a man who thought that I stole his remotes!!! WTF? How does that happen? I left England, and went back home and healed from the events of the previous two years.
At 22, I graduated my bachelors (delayed satisfaction!) and completed my first post grad....which led me to my masters. It very nearly led me back down the path of my eating disorder, but I pulled that back in. I got my awesome job at The Zoo, which I am still at now. I have been able to grow at this job, to the point that I am now the sole research person across The Zoo, The Dungeon, The Pantry and the other Oh Yeah, That Service. This scares me on various points, but it's okay, you know?
At 23, I started writing my masters thesis. There were many tears, caused in large part by my batshit crazy supervisor. I still can't believe that she hauled me in front of the Head of Department! Bad luck for her that I was writing grant applications at the time, for I turned up at that meeting with excellent documentation of the timeline and progress status reports. The HoD was ineffectual in large part, and I definately felt that I was in the wrong spot (power-wise) as a student, he was going to back her all the way. Thankfully, I still had one card up my sleeve: proof that she marked my lit review twice (by mistake!) and in one copy said that I should do this and that, and in the other said that it was fine. They were exactly the same! Thankfully a friend was able to point me to another superviosr who loved my work and thought that my plan was brillant and on track. I had lunch with him the other day, and he still managed to inspire me to write it up for publication.
At 24, I sat in an internet cafe in LA (after my conference in Mexico was canceled) and found that I had not only passed my masters thesis - I had gotten second class, first division honours. Seriously. I totally wigged out but I didn't care. I had passed! Me! It was an awesome ending to a (mostly) awesome trip. After being terrified of traveling around Europe on my own, and settling to travel with people who didn't really care for me, I managed to travel around the States and Canada alone! I handled crises of various sorts, I made an executive decision to travel to Canada to see my darling friend (with no idea if my travel insurance would cover it) and did it all on my lonesome. I didn't care if other people thought that it was weird that I was traveling/sightseeing alone, because that meant that I got to see and do things that I wanted. Yes, it would have been nice and cheaper to have someone with me, but I didn't and it wasn't the end of the world. I also sat, and failed, the med school entrance exam - and lived. I did a two triathalons, I did a tough guy. I tried things outside my comfort zone because I realised that I would be ok.
Now, at 25, I have sat (and failed again!) the med school exam, and I'm ok with my applications. Someone has to have the bottom score and it might as well be me. I most likely won't get in, and that's okay. I have a back up plan that involves earning more monies and trying again. I may not have it all, but at least I've done things. I don't want to repeat the last five years, I want to see the next five years.
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