It might be nothing

Sooooooooooooooo, my big research project? The one client that I have consented and given the device? Yeah. In hospital on nasogastric feeding. It's kind of the opposite of what the programme is supposed to do.

Early failure! Only way is up!

Ha. It's not really a failure since I did want to see how the device would function in a hospital environment, but couldn't it have not been the first participant with the device?

Wherein I got over myself

I cannot change the past, what is done is done. I need to move on with this although I am applying to both Underwear Universities on the whim. Mainly because I can afford to loose the application fee and not applying will definitely mean that I won't get in.

So Plan Alpha is that I will get an interview at East Underwear and will get a place and live happily ever after.

Plan Beta is to move to the parentals in November and get a decent paying job which will set me up for the next four years, because I will re sit.

The next gamsat is in September, so I will sit that one. However, if a miracle happens and I get an interview then I will cancel that and put the flight + fee towards sitting the interview. If it doesn't, then I will go with what I'm doing.

It feels good to have a plan and to be accepting of what I'm doing and where I'm at. It's okay, you know?

And we will see my shadow

I didn't make it. I fucken failed on science again but this time by only one point.

Jeebus.

Try to be me

If I can explain my past mistakes away by explaining that I was young and dumb, which led me into these situations - does that mean that I am now mature and smart?

I'm not sure I can handle that.

Results tomorrow (so says the magic eight ball, so say I). One more night of pretending that I did extraordinarily well.

Sef u trenutku. Vjerujem u svemiru.

My dear friend SarahLou suggested that the reason that I have 33% body fat (as measure by an old man with hand tremors), is because I have a large rack. I like this.

Also, I have manflu. It is terrible, with horrid pressure in one of my sinuses and a terrible toothache all along one side of my jaw. Ugh.

Twidling my thumbs waiting for results release. Funny people on the forum are really stressing out about results release. One of them is going on and on about how it's just not fair that certain places have been released to people in the accelerated program, and how it's not fair that Grizzly University doesn't include GPA in their calculation because it just should. But only undergrad GPA. Le sigh. You can really tell that some people haven't been out in the world very much.

Winds of a broken heart

It's hard to realise that you are still caught with those old emotions. Facebook informed me that there was someone new who we had three friends in common, and the mere sight of her name sent burning hot streams of anger through me. I thought I was over hating her; I thought that she was nothing to me. I saw her name and I instantly reverted back to being that hurt 19 year old. I once told a friend of mine that if I saw her again, I wouldn't hesitate to punch her in the face.

I've done so much since she and her stupid ass boyfriend tried to destroy me, and yet I am not past it.

I guess it doesn't help that I joined a gym today and got told that I have 33% Body fat. Delightful.

Thank god I'm going to a party with many hot engineering boys tonight. I'm going to need it.

I didn't even say that

I've developed what can only be described as an annoying habit.....when someone fucks me off on the road, I pick up my phone/iTouch/camera and 'take' a picture of them. It seems to be working though. Damn rude other people.

Discovered today that there is now another university which I will be able to apply to (Grizzly University) as they have changed their GPA requirements. Hmm. The score for them is about halfway between Sandstone (i.e. stupidly high) and Underwear Universities, but is near my parents place, so freeish place to live!

Well, in a week I'll know if it was worth considering.

Play me a melody

It was a year ago that I was sat in an internet cafe in LA and discovered that I had not only passed, but had also gotten Second Class First Division Honours. Me? Hons? Suffice to say, I was stunned and I think that I scared more than one person in that cafe. It was a really good day too - I ended up going to Universal Studios to celebrate. I should get around to publishing that.

12 days until I find out the results. I wish I could stop dreaming about it - my dreams have a far too logical sequence. The latest one had me receiving an email from Supermarket Uni saying that my GPA was far too low (4.6) despite a good Gamsat, and I replied to say that it was ok, I was working on my time machine to go back and fix my fails. Ok, so that isn't so logical, but maybe dream me was making a funny?

All devices are loaded and ready to go. Documentation was sent to the printers this afternoon, and there is a meeting at the Pantry tomorrow afternoon to discuss playlists. Haven't heard from IS though, but that stress is waning because the lack of parental psychometrics is so much more serious.

Express the opinion

I smell like chocolate! In an effort to take better care of myself, I'm trying to use moisturiser after I shower - Vaseline Cocoa Butter. It's a little too yummy smelling, hopefully some of the sweetness with rub off on my personality.

*crickets*

Right. Well. Cocoa Butter!

Am still waiting on results, 13 days to go. What the hell am I going to do if I don't get a good score? What will I do next year? Will someone think of the children!!!

*crickets*

I so desperately want to tell my family but I can't. Not unless I get 68+.

I read someones blog of how they were surprised that psychosis patients can sometimes miss their voices - well of course they would, they've spent (years) months with that constant companion, why wouldn't they miss it even if they don't miss the content? It's like those people who are psychotic but the voices are flattering, so they don't seek help. Why would you want to, when voices are telling you how great you are?