This week has been really stressful with work things and then my cousin was admitted to hospital for a potential ectopic pregnancy (which it wasn't - or rather the intern decided it wasn't), and now my Grandad has been admitted to a different hospital for suspected pneumonia, but they've found a shadow on the lung Xray which warrants further investigation, so he's still there. And it wouldn't have been such a hard week if I had the support of my friends here - but that hasn't been forthcoming. And that sucks, a lot. It's been the support of my friends who are further away that has kept me from loosing my mind. I spoke to my dad tonight who suggested that it was because I take my familial responsibilities seriously - and because I am Dallie (Croatian), family is essential for me but not for others. I try to give others that consideration, but right now, I am struggling with them not living up to my expectations. I will drop everything for a friend in need, and it hurts when it is not reciprocated.
I have to remember to be strong, to let myself feel these things and not bury them. Kia Kaha. I am allowed to put myself and my family first. Kia Mana. The hurt I feel is just a demonstration of the love I have for others. Kia Aroha.
I just wish it wasn't so hard.
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